Thanks, all!
Your advice was all helpful on different levels; especially Kevin's.
Christopher, your advice was also helpful, we definitely want to stick to a more minimal setup. Rest assured, we just upgraded everything to 22.04. This issue was because of a pre-upgrade purge of the slurm suite due to a botched apt autoremove. Probably some sprinkling of human error there on my part, as well. I'm also building an OHPC-Master server which will host PXE for those same nodes, so in either a pinch or upgrade-approval workflow, we can just change the boot order on the nodes to pick up the chrooted image.
Jess, please feel free to reach out to me directly via Email or give me a call. I would like to hear a bit more.
Cheers all,
Jesse